O is for Ordained
Another ordinary day. I mean, another ordained day. Sorry, my writing sometimes leaves a little to be desired. You see, I entered the church thinking it would be a contemplative life; no one told me how many words would be involved.
“Dearly behooved…we are gathered here today…”
Groans from the congregation.
“Sorry, sorry. Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to desecrate the life of…”
More groans, followed by some angry hisses from the congregation.
“Oh, gosh, I am sorry. Jim – can you…umm..?”
I waved frantically at my Junior clergy. Jim shuffled into the pulpit with his robes gathered and looked around the room wearily. Several people had their heads in their hands. The choir were otherwise engaged; variously reading books, passing mints and focussing intently on looking as bored as possible.
“Thank you, my blessed conjugation…may the Lord bring you peas…” I muttered helplessly to the crowd as I removed myself from public view.
I was beginning to think that this wasn’t the profession for me. I simply couldn’t say the right worms.